Merry Christmas Yinz Guys! Enjoy the Game!

Merry Christmas! We hope that KeiselClaus visits everyone!

5 Reasons Steelers' Bye Weeks Suck

The Steelers have the weekend off, which sucks. It mainly sucks because we don't get to watch the Steelers dominate an inferior team, which is obviously everyone, but there are also these 5 reasons that bye weeks suck.....

5. Speaking to family members on Sunday.

If your family is like ours, from 1pm to 4ish is a time of golden silence. From the time the game starts til the finish, the only sounds come from cracking open a cold one, and Mom cursing at the TV and the announcers for cheering against the Steelers. We lose that golden silence on the bye week and we actually have to talk to our wives, girlfriends, parents etc.

4. Big Ben has free time.

Despite the fact that he is a married man, this image will always remain in the back of our head. (and before anyone gets mad, we're joking. We love Ben and we are ecstatic he has changed his behavior and image)

3. We gotta hear about them jagoffs from Baltimore and New England.

If you do decide to sit down and watch football, coverage of the AFC's best shifts from the Black n Gold to the pretty boys in New England and the criminals in Baltimore.

2. We don't get to hear the brilliant voice and vocabulary of Mike Tomlin

Admit it, you've thought about it. Mike Tomlin sounds like the coolest, smartest coach around. Tomlin seems to be a combination of Einstein, Lombardi, and Shaft all rolled into one.

1. Drinking a case of Iron City with your friends on a Sunday just seems irresponsible now.

It is widely accepted to drink a few Iron City's with your buddies when you're watching the Steelers. It is not as widely accepted to get bombed on a Sunday afternoon before a trip to the Home Depot.

A Quick Word on Helmet to Helmet Hits

We are going to keep this short, but we have a couple things to say about helmet to helmet hits, penalties and fines. Ryan Clark was fined for his hit on Ravens WR Ed Dickson. Ray Lewis was also fined for his hit on Hines Ward. Clark was penalized on the play, Lewis was not. Dickson returned to play, Ward didn't.

We are all about player safety. Football isn't worth watching if everyone who plays turns into a mumbling shell of a person by age 45. What we really want, and what everyone wants, is consistency. Clark led with his should, separated the ball from receiver, and his helmet happened to catch Dickson's jaw. By the new rule, this is a penalty. OK, we get it, that is fine. Lewis led with his helmet, knocked Ward silly, and no flag was thrown. HOW DO YOU NOT FLAG THAT? NFL, please get your refs to figure out a way to uniformly enforce this rule. Keep the players safe, get the call right, that is it.

Sid The Kid is Cleared for Contact, but Who Will Touch Him?!?

It all started with a simple tweet we read this morning. @PghPenguins, the official Twitter feed for the Pens tweeted "#Pens captain Sidney Crosby is wearing a black helmet like everyone else at practice. We'll get an update from coach Bylsma after practice." We realized from that moment on our timeline will be dominated with Sid the Kid talk today, and we loved it!

Now before everyone gets all fired up, yes, we realize that he's not playing tonight when the Ovechkin and the Caps come to town. It is a step in the right direction. It means Sidney is moving in the right direction, which is nothing but good for Pittsburgh and the NHL.

In his interview after practice, Sid confirmed he has been fully cleared for contact.  He also said he has no idea when he will be back to game action. We're OK with this, but there is one thing that we are skeptical about. Sid said he needs to experience contact and see how he bounces back from it. Here is our question. Who on the Penguins will actually make contact with Sid in practice?

We have devised a plan to start Sid's contact, making it as realistic as possible. We need Matt Cooke (with elbows down) to take a run at Sid the Kid. Before he gets there, Deryk Engelland will intercept Cooke and beat him senseless. While he is beating him senseless, equipment will go flying, contacting Sidney's head. We feel this is the most realistic scenario for Sid's return to contact. Good luck to anyone who comes near Sidney, Deryk will be waiting....

The Mon Ain't the Only River Flowing North, Just the Best One

It is widely known that the Monongahela flows north, unless you're a jagoff that's not from the 'Burgh. We here at ChampYinz always just assumed it is the only river that flows north because, well it is here in the 'Burgh, and we're one of a kind. Turns out we were wrong. Here's an article of rivers that flow north. Thanks to WorldAtlas.com for this article!

Rivers That Flow North
(actually downhill) in a northerly direction

THE FACTS: Unless the land it totally flat, rivers of water run downhill. The vast percentage of rivers on the planet flow in a southerly direction because the source (usually in the mountains) is to the north of the mouth.

If the source of a river is at a higher elevation than the mouth, that river will run from the source to the mouth. However, if that (higher) source is to the south of the mouth, that river will then flow to the north (downhill).

Below is a partial list of rivers (length listed when known) that do just that. We haven't listed rivers that run to the northwest, or rivers that don't meet the exact requirements

Athabasca Alberta, Canada, 765 miles
Bann Northern Ireland
Bighorn Wyoming and Montana, USA, 336 miles
Cauca Colombia, 597 miles
Deschutes Oregon, USA, 250 miles
Eel Northern California, USA, 78 miles
Erne Ireland and Northern Ireland, 60 miles
Essequibo Guyana, 600 miles
Fox Wisconsin, USA, 200 miles
Genesee New York, USA, 144 miles
Jordan Utah, USA, 45 miles
Lena Russian Federation, 2735 miles
Little Bighorn, Wyoming and Montana, USA, 80 miles
Magdalena Colombia, 1062 miles
Mojave Southern California, USA, 100 miles
Monongahela Eastern USA, 128 miles
New Virginia and West Virginia, USA, 255 miles
Niagara Lake Erie to Lake Ontario, 39 miles.
Nile Africa, 4150 miles
Ob Russian Federation, 2289 miles
Oswego New York, USA, 24 miles
Otter Creek Vermont, USA, 75 miles
Pend Oreille Washington, USA, 62 miles
Red Minnesota, North Dakota, USA (into Canada), 318 miles
Richelieu Quebec, Canada, 208 miles
Saginaw Michigan, USA, 20 miles.
Saint Johns Florida, USA, 275 miles
San Pedro Mexico (into Arizona), 142 miles
Shennandoah Virginia and West Virginia, USA, 55 miles
Wilamette Oregon, USA, 188 miles
Wallkill New Jersey, USA, length unknown
Yenisey Russian Federation, 2548 miles
Youghiogheny Eastern USA, 151 miles

Some Mike Lange Love

Everyone who is a Pens fan knows Mike Lange. The popular announcer started with the Penguins in 1975, and is known for his "Lange-isms", or creative calls of Pens' goals. Here are our favorite Mike Lange expressions.

"He doesn't know whether to cry or wind his watch"

This classic is Lange's call when a 'Guin undresses an opposing goalie before putting the puck in the net. Super Mario's long reach made it easy for him to make goalies look silly. Now it is Sid and Geno that evoke this call, but it is still a classic. We assume it is a reference to the goalie being late on the play, but we couldn't find any confirmation.

"He's smiling like a butcher's dog!"

The earliest we remember this call was for Shawn McEachern's first NHL goal. It could've been used before then, but that is the earliest we remember. The meaning of the saying is pretty self explanatory.

"Michael, Michael Motorcycle"

We're not sure who Michael is, or what he has to do with a motorcycle, but it just sounds great in Mike Lange's voice. 

"Call Arnold Slick from Turtle Creek"

This one is pure gold. To all the non-Yinzers out there this may look dumb. For those of you who don't know, in Pittsburghese the word "creek" is pronounced "crick" so this actually does rhyme. Sayings like this are what make Mike Lange a legend in the 'Burgh for his incorporation of Pittsburgh culture.

"Buy Sam a drink and get his dog one too"

We don't advocate giving booze to animals. We do love this call though. 

"Get in the fast lane Grandma, the Bingo games ready to roll"

I'm pretty sure the only time Grandma's drive fast is on the way to Bingo.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, Elvis has just left the building!"

This is easily Lange's most well-known call. It signals a Penguins victory and the end of the game either by time or empty net goal. This also signifies the end of this post. We hope you enjoyed reflecting on the brilliance of Mike Lange as much as we did!

Penguins Fantasy Hockey Names

It may not seem like it, but hockey is just around the corner! Fantasy hockey leagues are forming and drafts are starting. The age old tradition of crafting creative team names featuring player names is in full effect. We here at ChampYinz thought we'd share some Pens-related names for those of you struggling with a name. Share names you come up with through Facebook and Twitter and we will make sure to post them! 

PENGUINS RELATED FANTASY HOCKEY NAMES

Malkin In the Middle

How much better would that show have been if Geno was starring instead of Frankie Muniz?

You, Me, and Dupuis

We definitely prefer seeing Duppers over Owen Wilson. Who doesn't love seeing a solid manly stubble over a crooked nose?

Orpik Your Poison

Got a team full of superstars? Don't tell your opponent to pick his poison. Make them Orpik their poison!

Craig Adams Did Have a Beard

We all know Grizzly Adams did have a beard thanks to Lee Trevino in Happy Gilmore. Come playoff time, so does Craig Adams.

Honorable Mention Names: King of Engelland, 8 Ball Connor Pocket, Cooke Me Something I'm Starving.

Share any names you come up with using a Penguins name and we'll post them on Facebook and Twitter along with your name!

Top 10 Reasons for The Great Pittsburgh Earthquake of 2011

Yinz guys see the floor start shaking n’at? When everything in the room starting moving our first reaction was “Hmmm, weird. I wonder what that is? We don’t get earthquakes in the ‘Burgh.” Sure enough, it was the aftershocks of a D.C. quake. We decided to compile a list of the top 10 reasons for the Great Pittsburgh Earthquake of 2011.

10. The Buccos actually beat the Brewers the previous night. It was an earth shaking occurrence.

9. Casey Hampton decided to go Hines Ward on us and took dancing lessons. The problem? Casey’s tap dancing shook the whole city.
8. Gary Roberts got angry and the whole city felt his wrath.

7. Lyle Overbay is (actually) hitting for the D’backs since the Bucs let him go.

6. Primanti’s ran out of slaw.

5. Little known fact, Joe DeNardo predicted this 8 years ago so it was bound to happen sometime.

4. Brent Johnson punched the whole city, and we all felt like Rick DiPietro. (Go check yourself for   facial fractures)


3. Someone JUST NOW told JoePa that Pitt and Penn State are playing in 2016.

2. Brooks Orpik stared at the ground with his crazy eyes until it trembled in fear.

1. We’re not sure what happened, but Goodell is thinking about fining James Harrison for it.